there is no point logging into to facebook to find the update she post.
coz, she will not post anything.
does she even have any feeling?
what is she feeling now??
im going to facebook every free time i got.
just to see if she is there, what she is doing.
still haven get anything.
devestated, is it my fault??
so many things going through my mind.
school been stress ful.
only if u were here for me to share it with.
i just dont know.
i want u here, but..
alot is stpping me.
u have been doing things that i really dont like..
and after alot of fighting, still ahven chang..
what am i to do?? leave??
i dont want to, but if i have to, than i do it..
its going to be hard but i'll force myself to do it.
ppl have been saying we are too young.
we used to say, lets chalange them and all.
saying to ourself than we could last..
but till all of this has happen. im starting to think twice.
maybe we are just tooo young..
maybe we need time to explore.
time to make friends.. not getting tied down.
usually, boy will say "its not u, its me".
fcuk that phrase. i dont belive in that.
we bothe had our mistakes.
but the diff is that i'll try my best to change.
maybe only because of this particullar girl, u want to get back on me..
she is my friend..
she was never as close to me like u are close to me..
she was never as special as u to me.
guess its just hard for u..
i know, i've not been trusting u..
i have been trying my best to force myself.
coz i know u need that trust.
but if u keep on doing this to me.
everytime im begining to trust u,
u kept on distroy the small and growing trust..
how will we ever work?? u understand?
hais, its really hard.
trying to be happy in everything i do..
yet, the thought of u will distract me.
im really upset everytime i think of what u did to me..
i'll never know what u said to your friends about me.
its up to u.. but, deep inside i know thatr u know that who is at fault..
its never about fault..
i always try to close one eye and continue to be ahppy when ever u are around..
but, its gone too far..
u keep on breaking this small thing inside me called the heart.
how ever i try to think of it.. i'll keep on blameing myself..
i dont know why..
thats all, i wanna be with u..
have been wanting to be with u.
but if u never change and keep on treating me like this,
i cant accept. sorry.
im sorry. maybe its straight foreward..
but its the only way for u to learn.
and lastly, someone told me.
the problem between me and u.
let it stay withe me and u.. dont need to let the whole world know..
like posting through facebook.
and anw, yr reply hurts..
it really hurts.. abouth u telling yr friend and all..
so ya, just so u know.
hope u remember that i had never shouted and scream at u infornt of anyone.
if we were to fight, i'll never bring to the public.
i just hate it..
now im confuse and having mixed feeeling..
im confuse.. hais.

love, shaid(pan)